Polyamory Questionnaire

Please answer all the questions you wish, and skip the ones you don't want to answer, for whatever reason. Some of the questions allow multiple answers, and all of them have a field for extra comments, which are welcome even if you haven't answered the question.

Name (or alias):
E-mail address:
I may be quoting from the answers on this questionnaire during the BiCon workshop I'm running. If you do not wish me to use your name, please leave your name blank or use an alias. I probably won't be identifying people in any case. Your e-mail address will only be used by me if you have provided answers that I'd like to discuss further - again, leave it blank if you'd feel happier doing so.
1) How would you define polyamory?
  • having multiple relationships
  • having one main relationship but having sex with more than one person
  • sleeping around
  • any or all of the above
  • Other, please explain
2) Do you define yourself as polyamorous?
  • Yes
  • No, I define as (e.g. monogamous)
  • Have been, but not any more
  • Haven't been so far, but could be in the future, or under different circumstances
  • Other, please explain
3) Do you think that polyamory would be a good basis for a society?
  • Yes
  • Yes, if
  • No
  • No, because

    (e.g.) it should be kept as a minority lifestyle because monogamy works better for most people
  • No, nobody should be polyamorous ever. Ugh
  • Other, please explain
4) How do you define the person/people you are involved with? - tick all that apply. (Throughout this questionnaire I've used "partner" to keep it simple.)
  • Partner/lover
  • Girlfriend/boyfriend
  • I define them in BDSM terms, e.g. master, slave.
  • Sex friend or similar
  • Other, please explain
5) How many partners do you have?
6) Are you legally married?
  • Yes
  • No
  • No, but plan to be
  • Was once, but not any more
7) Are you non-legally married/committed to someone?
  • Yes
  • No
  • No, but plan to be
  • Was once, but not any more
8) Would you consider going through a non-legal ceremony to celebrate/commit to a relationship?
  • Yes, to one partner
  • Yes, to more than one partner
  • No, because I don't believe it would be meaningful
  • No, because there's nobody I'd want to commit to
  • Already have/intend to
  • Other, please explain
9) Do you believe multiple relationships or group marriage can work?
  • Yes
  • No
  • Yes, but only for a very small minority of people
  • Other, please explain
10) Which is these is truest for you?
  • I decided to be polyamorous
  • I realised I was polyamorous
  • Both, to some extent
  • I'm not polyamorous
  • Other, please explain
11) Can you imagine yourself being monogamous? (Or mono-amorous)
  • Yes, if my partner and I agreed to be
  • Yes, I am already
  • Yes, if it was the only way to keep my partner
  • Yes, but it would make me very unhappy
  • Not really
  • I would never even consider it
  • Other, please explain
12) Do you have rules for yourself in your poly relationships? - tick all that apply
  • No
  • Yes. They include:
    • I am faithful to my partners and don't have sex with people outside my relationship group
    • I have one main partner who takes precedence
    • I only see one partner at a time
    • Nobody takes precedence over anyone else
    • Previous relationships take precedence over new ones
    • I will keep all my partners informed of my sexual/emotional activities
    • I only get involved with people who are aware I'm polyamorous
    • I only get involved with people who are also polyamorous
    • I would stop seeing someone if they insisted I should be faithful to them
    • I will only get involved with someone if my existing partner(s) approve(s)
    • I would not get involved with someone my existing partner(s) didn't know or didn't like
    • Other(s), please explain
13) Do you have rules for your partners? - tick all that apply
  • a) No
  • b) Yes. They include:
    • They can do whatever they want as long as they tell me about it
    • They can do whatever they want as long as they don't tell me about it
    • They should be faithful to me
    • They can have sex but should not form other relationships
    • They should not do anything sexual with anyone else while I'm there, unless they've already checked that I'm OK with it
    • They should only get involved with people I know and like
    • Other(s), please explain
14) Do you get jealous?
  • Yes, of all my partners
  • Yes, of some of my partners but not others
  • Yes, I get jealous of my partners having sex with others
  • Yes, I get jealous of my partners forming other relationships
  • No, never
  • Yes, and I'm not polyamorous for that reason
  • Not often, but it's been known (in certain circumstances such as )
  • Other, please explain
15) Which of these statements do you agree with, if any? - tick all that apply
  • I am in love with all my partners
  • I am in love with some and not others
  • I am in love with my primary partner only
  • I would not have sex with someone I was not in love with
  • I would not have a relationship with someone I wasn't in love with
  • I am happy to have partners I like very much but don't love
  • I don't like talking in terms of being in love
  • I can't define being in love well enough to know what it means
  • I'm not in love with anyone
16) Are you...? (tick any or none)
  • Bisexual
  • Bisexual, but tend to form relationships with one sex not the other
  • Bisexual, but straight/gay/lesbian in practice
  • Gay/lesbian
  • Heterosexual
  • Submissive/bottom
  • Dominant/top
  • Switch
  • Fetishist
  • Transexual
  • Celibate
17. Are you out as poly? - tick all that apply.
  • Yes, to my parents
  • Yes, to my friends
  • Yes, to my work
  • No
  • Other, please explain
18) Do you have names for the people in your relationship group who are not your partners?
  • No
  • Yes.
    • My partners' partners are called (e.g. metamours, in-laws)
    • My are called
19) Do your relationships form any of these patterns? - tick all that apply
  • We are all in couples
  • We are in a group relationship where everyone has sex with/is the partner of everyone else
  • I am in one main relationship but have sex with friends/strangers
  • Other, please explain
Do you have any further comments?

Incidentally, the original questionnaire had a question 20 - 'Can you draw a diagram of your relationships? Please indicate what words/lines/notation you have used (e.g. dotted lines for sex friends, wavy line for partners' partners)'. This has been omitted from the form for obvious reasons, but if you have such a diagram in e-mail-friendly format, feel free to e-mail it to marcus@adjectivenoun.org.uk.